Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking

Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking examines the year after her husband John dies of a heart attack. During this year, not only is she grieving the lost of her husband, but their only daughter is gravely ill.  In this year of intense grief, Didion thinks to herself, John might return.

Those who have been through grief identify strongly with this notion. I can’t leave the house; he might return why I am gone. I must have an open casket; he might not really be dead and sit up during the funeral.

Didion uses repetition to convey this notion to the reader.

The book begins with the first words she wrote after her husband John died. She wrote the words just a few days after his death:

Life changes fast.

Life changes in the instant.

You sit down to dinner an life as you know it ends.

The question of self-pity.

Didion repeats these words throughout the book. She expands on them. She rearranges the words. They seem to serve two purposes. One is that these words serve as a sort of incantation, a chant or a magic spell. Perhaps if Didion can find the perfect manner to convey these words, she will perform magic and bring John back, alive.

The repetition of these words also serve as a kind of Greek chorus. They remind the reader and Didion herself of her own emotions, constantly lying under the surface as she cares for her daughter or takes care of ordinary tasks. The reader understands through the use of this repetition that the grief is present. Like a Greek Chorus, it reminds us of her hidden fears and anxiety.

There is another kind of repetition in the book, the repetition of the beginning of sentences. Didion uses this approach right at the start of the book and continues throughout. When her husband is pronounced dead she writes;

They asked it I wanted a priest…They gave me the silver clip in which John kept his driver’s license and credit cards. They gave me the cash that had been in his picket. They gave me his watch. They gave me his cell phone. They gave me a plastic bag in which they said I would find his clothes. (15-16)

This repetition conveys a dream-like cadence. The reader feels as if they are there with Didion as she takes in the death of her husband. It’s a nightmare that she is living and we are there in the moment with her. She can only concentrate on these basic actions.

As she takes care of John’s belongings and the funeral, she repeats the phrase, I remember;

I remember making a brisk decision about a coffin. I remember that in the office where I signed the papers there was a grandfather’s clock, not running. …I remember thinking as I did this that he would see that I was handling things. (18-19)

This repetition of words moves in and out of time and reality. Didion shows us how intertwined her identity is with her husband of 40 years. It is difficult to reconcile that he is not there to see that she is handling things. Seeing this would make him proud of her.

The reader continues to see this repetition through the book as Didion moves through grief. Grief feels endlessly, maddeningly repetitive.

Didion ends the book a year and a day after John died. “I realized today for the first time that my memory of this day a year ago is a memory that does not involve John. This day a year ago was December 31, 2003. John did not see this day a year ago. John was dead.” (225) Both she and the reader understand why she spent this year of “magical thinking.” “I know why we try to keep the dead alive,” she writes, “we try to keep them alive in order to keep them with us.” This magical thinking was her way of keeping him alive.