The Boyfriend List: E Lockhart

              Have you ever wanted to get inside the mind of a teenage girl? Me either, but this is exactly where we live for 229 pages in E. Lockhart’s The Boyfriend List. Ruby Oliver has been having panic attacks so her parents take her to a therapist to get them sorted out.  The therapist has asked Ruby or Roo as everyone calls her, to make a boyfriend list of all the boys she has kissed, dated or thought about dating as a way to sort out her feelings. This task is perfectly suited for a teenage girl who already views the world in lists.

Roo starts off by making a list of the type of people who she thought went to shrinks; “lunatics, tragics and neurotics” (2)

She had five anxiety attacks in ten days, the same ten days she tells us in a list,

-Lost my boyfriend

                             -Lost my best friend

                              -Lost all my other friends

                             -Learned gory details about my now-ex boyfriend’s sexual adventures” (p4)

Roo lists her own physical descriptions in a list that include both the ones she likes and the ones she hates; “1) No zits/boobs that already flop around more than they should and are destined for sagginess” and “Cute gap between front teeth/propensity to sweat in nervous-making situations.” (21)

Roo and her friends made a list of Rules for Dating in a Small School. This list of 8 rules include rule #5 which states “if your friend has already said she likes a boy, don’t you go liking him too. She’s got dibs.” (39) And rule #7 which says “don’t ignore your friends if you’ve got a boyfriend.”

And more. I’d tell you the rest, but then it would seem like I cared. These lists are so incredibly vapid that one wonders who raised this child and why she finds any of this important. Or why I am supposed to find it important. Clearly Roo uses lists to organize her thoughts. They help her understand her world and herself. Either this is a super common thing or her therapist is a freakin’ genius and sees this immediately and has her make the list of boys.

So Roo makes this list of boys. And it is clear from the very beginning of the book that this child only knows who she is in relationship to other people and those people are boys. Not her parents. Not some sort of moral code or philosophy of life. Her self-worth is tied to boys.  From the little boy she played with as a kindergarten to the boy who squeezed her boob last week. Roo’s worth is found in the fact that these boys would play with her, find her attractive, squeeze her boob. Her value is found in this list. She says she “liked making the list, it was kind of fun.” (19)

Even at the end of the story, when she discovers the boy that she’s been having drama and anxiety attacks about isn’t all that, she still “probably take him back, if he showed up at my door like in the movies. He’s Jackson Clarke. It’s just how I feel.” (226) Roo learned nothing.

The book is filled with footnotes. Footnotes explaining details she wouldn’t share with her therapist, to other adults, or to her friends. “I never even kissed anyone until I was thirteen and three quarters. This is an embarrassing and sadly true fact, made even worse by the fact that they guy I kissed was totally gross and I didn’t kiss anyone else after that until the end of my freshman year.” This reveal another layer to Roo’s lack of sense of self or a sense of virtue. Are we supposed to find it late that she didn’t kiss anyone until she was nearly 14? Why did she kiss someone she found gross? The point is all about the boy and that finally, she is on the map because she kissed someone. It didn’t matter who it was or if she wanted to—she now had value.

There are so many characters in this book, that even though they are described in excruciating detail, I could not keep track. They were all insipid and uninteresting. The only character I liked was Noel who didn’t care what people thought of him, helped Roo when she needed help, can see that her friends are losers (“if those are your friends you’ve got no need for enemies” 176) and forgives easily. Noel is the hero of this book.

This book reminded me of how different I was in high school than everyone else. Instead of giving me an insight into the way high schoolers think or view the world, it reminded me of the clear sense of self and integrity I held in stark difference to those around me. It reminded me why I was so glad when I learned I was having boys instead of girls when I was pregnant. And I hope to God they both end up like Noel.